killedwithlove | For insurgoaltus

Cole's whole face wrinkled around the poke, then he made a grab for Dorian's finger instead. It wasn't much of a try, preferring to relax into the bath.

"Does it matter who feels what first? It's not a competition, is it? Why does the person who feels something first get called an idiot? Or is it only you who calls you an idiot for loving people?"

Cole quite possibly knew the answers, but he wanted to hear Dorian's thoughts and comments on them. His logic. And his emotions as he worked through it.

"I wish I could tell you if what I feel is love, but I just don't know. I've never known love. Me or Cole. When I know, I'll tell you."

He missed by a mile, so Dorian teased his finger down Cole's cheek in retaliation. He sighed pensively.

"No, it is not a competition. It is merely ... a vulnerability. Such feelings between two men where I come from, it's unheard of. Such alliances are for pleasure only, not for feelings. To leave myself open to feeling something like this when you don't feel the same - you have power over me."

One corner of his mouth twisted, "I just wish we were on equal footing here -- but alas. That is never the way of Dorian Pavus. Ah well, at least I am consistent in making things harder on myself."

Cole hummed and dipped his head in the water to rinse out the suds. That done, he twisted around to lie against the tub's edge, hands clutching the edge to keep himself near level with Dorian.

"No. I don't have power over you. I'd pull my knives on Rhys to protect you." And maybe that was love. Maybe it wasn't. He didn't know. But it was true.

"We are on equal footing. Please don't try to put us on different footings. One of us might fall and it would hurt. I won't make things harder on you. I promise."

Dorian looked at him for a long, hard moment, before he tilted his head so his face was on level with Cole's. He searched those ancient eyes -- and Maker help him -- knew Cole wasn't lying. Not to him, at least, and definitely not to himself.

So he nodded once, before he leaned in and stole a kiss against those warmed lips, running his fingers through damp hair. "Very well then. Equal footing. Let me get you a towel, partner."

He pushed himself up to his feet, going towards the chest to pull out a towel, and some clothes. "We'll also be showing you how to put things on the right way."

Cole couldn't exploit someone, even if he knew how. Not when their hurt was something he could see and feel.

He leaned in to meet the kiss, sinking back into the bath and starting to actually wash the rest of himself, removing bloodstains and dirt. He scrubbed his face with his hands.

"The clothes never complained about how I put them on."

Dorian gave him a wry look over his shoulder, as he carried a pile of clothes over to a chair, and pushed that chair in front of the tub.

"Yes well, I have a feeling most clothes just love on you and fall in comfortable, well worn folds around you, so I don't trust them." He put the towel in place as well. "There, now just let me know when you're ready to get out."

"What's wrong with comfortable, well worn folds?" All his clothes were more the second hand, so yes, very well worn folds.

"I should get the stains off. I think that's important." He was washing between toes, rubbing the bottom of his foot for a long moment and then letting it go.

"I like the warmth. Best thing about baths is being warm." Which after Emprise du Lion... Even Cole noticed the cold of that place after a while.

"Absolutely nothing - as long as they are facing the right way around." Dorian flopped in a chair, pulling up a book and pouring himself a glass of wine. A laugh slipped out.

"Yes, please. If you want to curl up in my bed, all stains must be removed, thank you very much."

He looked over, his grey eyes warming. "I couldn't agree more. Outside of the naked part. That's nice too."

Cole kept cleaning himself, carefully lifting his injured thigh so he could clean it. The bruising was there, but he gently rubbed at the bloodstain, lifting it from his skin.

"Cadash said I have to be in bed to rest. Does this mean I need to get my own bed at some point?"

He leaned his head on the rim of the tub and reached a hand out to Dorian. "I can be naked more, if you like."

Dorian marked his place in the book with a finger as he brought his other hand to his mouth, tilting his dark head a little. "The selfish part of me wants to say - 'No, of course not!' The sensible, rational, doesn't want to be horrible murdered by a bald apostate says ... 'For the state of mind of all our friends, probably.'"

He reached out in turn, choking a little at the thought of Cole ... more naked for his benefit, "While ... I ... would certainly enjoy it, we run into the same problem as we do with the you only using my bed."

"Cadash doesn't care where I sleep. Solas..." Cole went quiet and looked somewhere else.

"I don't sleep. I don't want to. I didn't mind lying in bed with you, because I could watch you and listen to your emotions and I didn't get bored like I do when I have to lie by myself."

He shrugged a little. "I could do it where other people don't see. I'm very good at not being seen."

"Ye-es. Solas." Dorian stated simply, arching an eyebrow. They both had a fairly certain idea of what Solas would think of all this.

Not that Dorian cared much, when Cole talked like that. His smile curved up under his mustache. "I would hate for you get bored ... so I suppose you'll just have to stay as long as you like, then."

A clearing of the throat, "Well. Yes. You ... could do that."

Cole didn't know what Solas thought of him anymore. He was harder to read now, closed off.

"I can pretend I'm not staying here and just not get seen coming up here." He'd sooner Dorian not feel bad about his being here, and since it was what others would think that was the problem...

"Would you like that?"

To be honest, Solas was harder for everyone to read now -- except perhaps Cadash.

"I do not want you to act like you are sneaking around, Cole. I am not ashamed of you." He traced a fingertip along Cole's hand. "I'm just at a loss to explain my feelings without sounding like some sort of pervert."

He laughed again, his gaze warming, "... well of course I would like you naked, Cole. I like all your inside bits. Your outside bits must be equally brilliant. Which is probably why all our friends would call me a pervert to begin with."

"No. Not ashamed. But you think people will say things and try to save me from you." He turned his hand to brush his own fingers along Dorian's wrist and palm.

"I'm not ashamed of my body. I don't know if it's interesting, or nice to look at. Why is liking a body perverted?"

"...Ye-es, that sums it up nicely. They will try to save you from me." He let his eyes fall half closed, sliding his fingers along Cole's lightly.

"It's not, when one had a healthy and respectful appreciation for it. When one respects the mind, as well as the form. I just don't know how to make them believe that I ... that my feelings for you are genuine, and not something I am making up to have my wicked Tevinter way with the 'innocent spirit'."

He looked at Cole, tilting his head. "It will take time, is all. Like you winning me over with logic. I will simply have to be respectful and you will have to be yourself - showing them that you want to have feelings, and be kissed, and sleep curled next to me and talk to me for hours about all sorts of things... and of course, when you want to be naked in front of me, you can be."

"I suppose that's what I want -- I want them to know you chose me."

"They're not very clever if they think I can't tell the difference between genuine emotion and people making believe. I know people. I know what it feels like when someone just wants sex and will say or do anything to get it."

Cole had seen it, heard it, lived it through others. He never talked about what may or may not have happened to the other Cole under the templars' not so tender care.

"I know they're genuine. So does Cadash. I don't have experience with some things, but that doesn't mean I don't know about them. And if people say anything to you, you should tell them to come to me. And I can explain why I've chosen you."

He drew Dorian's hand close enough to kiss the knuckles.

"...I wish you didn't. I wish you knew only the good parts, and not the bad ones. No one should know that sort of cruelty." Especially not from those who were supposed to be guards and guardians.

"I suppose if Cadash knows, that's all that truly matters. Hers, and yours, are the good opinions that matter the most." He thought about it, "And Cullen ... whom I might get a vicious little thrill, having him hear from you why you've chosen me."

He smiled again, eyes brightening. "Such the gentleman..."

"Life isn't always kind. Compassion is most needed when there's harshness and cruelty." Simple fact of what he was and their world.

"Cullen isn't sure what to think about me. I scare him, because of what he's lived through, but he's accepted that I'm not like those spirits, I'm different. He doesn't know I bring him the meals late at night. It helps the aches if he has food."

He pressed his smooth cheek to Dorian's hand. "Who is?"

"Well, that is ... very true. I just wish it wasn't so. Although I am glad to know compassion, once more." It seemed a long time since he had had any.

"So you're the one -- he keeps telling me to stop being a doter." Dorian's lips quirk, "Then ... perhaps all who matter, won't care at a bit."

"You are. Kissing my hand, ready to firmly guide our friends towards reason, willing to be naked for me." He arched an eyebrow, "Just who is courting who here, Cole?"

"And you'd like to know Compassion better."

Things that were never predicted to come from Cole: innuendo.

"Yes. He needs it. He forgets when it hurts and then it hurts more, so I bring him the foods that help ease it, help him sleep, or just breathe. I like Cullen."

He shrugged slightly, smiling a little. "Why does only one of us have to court?"

Now please observe both of Dorian's eyebrows raise, but two can play at this game. "Intimately, if so blessed."

His expression sobers a little at the mention of his friend's pain, and he knows he'll be share something he uses for his own lyrium potions to help ease the addiction. "So do I. Which is why we have to take care of the lummox."

"Mmm, I shall not argue it, especially when it comes in such a charming package." He smiled again, easy and brilliant. "Court away."

Cole gave a small smile and offered out both his hands. "I want to get out now, please help me."

He knew to keep the leg resting. And he wasn't confident on his ability to get out without a second leg for balance. "I like taking care of Cullen. He takes care of everyone but himself. He thinks he doesn't deserve it, but we know he does."

"Gladly - hold on." He put his book aside, and grabbed the towel, slinging it over his shoulder so he could take both of Cole's hands and pull him up carefully, his grip firm.

"Now, I've got the towel right here ... so we're going to get you out of the tub and to the chair, so we can get you dried off, all right? How's that leg?" He asked, careful not to glance down.

Cole could pull himself upright between Dorian and his good leg, standing steady on it and holding onto Dorian.

"All right. It feels better for the heat in the water." He held on tight, realising he'd need to either hop out, literally, or Dorian would have to take his weight to get him over the lip of the tub again.

"You can look down if you want."

For insurgoaltus

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