killedwithlove | PSL: For kremdelacreme

At the tavern, Krem was chatting up the young woman standing behind the bar, a stand-in for the usual barkeeper. They were discussing her family, their recipes for cold weather drinks, but upon Cole's arrival, she was distracted, her thoughts all pink and blush over the Charger's attention, while his were tame and calm and, as soon as he noticed Cole, full of quiet affection.

"Something's on your mind," he said evenly, head tilted so he could peek under Cole's hat, lowering the bottle in his hand to his side. "If I didn't know better, I'd be worried."

Cole paused as he came in, looking between them. He recognised her interest, in her flush, the heat in her thoughts that was indistinct but clearly there. And even though Krem didn't seem to feel the same, Cole felt something in his throat twist a little, pressing unpleasantly.

He didn't like it. It made him drop his face lower, making it more difficult than usual to see under his hat. "I wanted to talk to you. Before the others were here."

Then he did look up, at Krem and then the girl and then back again.

Even with as little expression as Cole generally seemed to have, Krem caught the sudden stiffening, the mild distaste. The look at the barmaid only confirmed it: Cole was jealous. This was probably the first time Cole had ever gotten jealous, or even had a reason to be in the first place.

If it weren't such a profound thing, Krem might have found it rather funny.

"Of course." He turned to the maid and gave her a small wave to let her know he was going, rather than giving her a more proper farewell; where he might have given her a peck on the cheek in parting, now he was focused on Cole only. He would follow wherever the other might want to lead him. The way he'd said it, Krem rather doubted that Cole would want to talk there in the open.

Cole didn't know what he was feeling, only that he didn't really like it, but it did fade when Krem promptly ended his conversation and moved closer to him instead.

He reached out towards Krem's hand, not a large gesture, quite a small one, but any gesture from Cole was significant. He didn't take the hand, though. "Upstairs?"

And in a show of just how nervous he might be, he vanished in a curl of dark smoke up to his corner on the third top floor.

Krem paused in the act of reaching to take that offered hand when Cole was suddenly gone, brow arching up some but otherwise not making a big deal. He headed for the stairs without hesitation and, when he rounded the top of them at the third floor, he cleared his throat.

"We don't have to stay here to talk. You know my room's just through there." He gestured toward the door leading out onto the walkway that went past his quarters. He stepped closer though, holding his hand out, putting his mostly full bottle aside on the handrail. "You don't have to be anxious around me, you know."

"Varric said I shouldn't have this talk in your bedroom, because that has implications." This was after Varric had sworn, had more brandy and then rubbed his hands over his face a lot.

He moved closer in another curl of smoke, taking Krem's hand and holding it, looking at their hands together. "I don't know what I feel a lot of the time. Maybe being mortal is like that. But I like being near you and I like when you hold onto me, when others are looking and they smile knowingly because it means something, it says something, I like what it says, that arm around my waist or shoulders. Am I making sense? Outside as well as inside?"

Varric knowing how to deal with what Cole was going through was helpful, certainly, and he'd actually blown through the tavern after the first time that Cole had gone to ask him for advice, stopping Krem to let him know that he was doing good here, that going slow might not be the best way to go about this, but there was still that degree of respect even without that deference to what Cole was.

"It says that we're ok, this is good, and maybe they're looking forward to seeing what happens next." He smiled faintly, reaching up and easing Cole's hat back some on his head, then easing forward to catch the other's lips, light but lingering as he lifted himself up to look Cole in the eye. "Maybe I'm looking forward to it too."

A brief mental flash, brushes of skin, soft sighs and tweaked nerves, less explicit than anything Bull could think up but nothing that could be misconstrued.

Cole carried a lot of ideas and memories about relationships, about sex, about all of it and it wasn't always clear in his head what was right, or what would be good for two people, rather than just one.

Then his hat was being slipped back and Krem kissed him and he forgot to worry about it all because he liked being here and in this body and this moment.

He blinked at the words, tongue darting out over his lips. "If I haven't become Despair or Rage, I won't become Desire if I let myself feel it," he said softly, though clearly, it was something someone else had worked through with him, to put into words that made sense. "I trust you. With me."

A grounding moment was good for everyone now and then, and being able to do that for Cole made him feel more at-ease, himself. Krem's free hand came to rest at Cole's side and he leaned up to nudge their noses together.

"If you're certain it won't change what you are like that, and you do trust me, then there's something that I've been meaning to show you. Well. You probably already know what it is whether you want to or not but it's not going to stop me from showing you anyway." He offered Cole a lopsided grin then kissed him once more. "Could also go back down, see the springs again. I know you like your back washed, maybe it'll help you relax some, hm?"

Since he had the surgery, Krem was easier in himself, moving right, less walled off against everything and everyone. Cole liked the way he touched with much more casual comfort in himself.

He leaned into the kiss, letting his eyes slide shut. "We could. That would be nice. I'm nervous, aren't I? That's what this is?"

"Nervous, unsure. Might help if you told me what's on your mind, where you're comfortable doing that." He would try to be supportive and understanding as much as possible in the hopes of easing Cole's worry.

"I haven't got any memories of a relationship. Not a good one. I only know the things that hurt and need help." He wasn't worried about physical interactions, he just didn't know what to do in a good relationship. "I want... to make you happy. Without just helping hurts. Not healing, happy."

"So then maybe this will be the chance to make some. Your own memories even, not borrowed from someone else's mind. You deserve to have that, yourself, after all." Krem's head bowed some at the last of Cole's words, and he squeezed the other's hands, bringing them up to kiss the knuckles. "You're already doing pretty well, if you want my opinion."

Cole hummed softly, rocking on his feet. "Should we... I don't know what to do now."

"Come on then. Told you I had something to show you after all." That, he left simply as it was, locking down on the thought before it could surface for Cole's perusal. It wasn't a hurt after all, and therefor much easier to hide. He pulled gently on Cole's hand to urge him to follow until they arrived there at Krem's room, then ducked away to the end of his bed, where he briefly knelt and picked up a rather nice, plain wooden box. He sat down on the edge of the bed and lifted it open. There was a moment's hesitation, then he picked it up: subtly tapered, flared at one end, molded and extended at the other to extend up perpendicular to the shaft, the bulk of it was wrapped in pale flesh-toned leather. The base of it was inscribed with runes. There was a harness that went with it to keep it from slipping out of place, still resting there on the floor where he'd left it.

"Never will be able to do it myself, but it's a step in the right direction, at least," he said quietly, his ears turning pink as he looked from Cole to the toy then to the stone underfoot.

Cole followed along, not letting himself get distracted like he usually did, focusing on the thrum of anticipation, the frisson of something that they both felt, though maybe for different reasons.

Inside the bedroom, he took off his hat, because it had sort of become a habit to not wear his hat in here. He watched Krem bring out the box and then looked at it, taking a moment to place what he was looking at.

It didn't shock him. He looked at Krem and reached out to touch his arm softly. "I don't understand how that wouldn't be you. It's yours. You'd be the one... wearing? Using? It's not flesh, but does that really matter?"

Krem looked up at him, and before he could clamp down on them, voices came to mind. 'If it's not real does it actually count?' 'You should be glad for what the Maker gave you.' 'Use what you have for what it was meant for-'

"No. No it doesn't," he replied firmly, standing up and tucking the thing back into its box, his jaw firmly set. He pushed forward in a more forceful kiss than usual with his hand resting against the back of Cole's neck then drew back an inch, pushing Cole's bangs up away from his eyes and looking up at him with a soft frown. He was fairly certain it hadn't been washed since the last time he'd done it himself. "Long as it doesn't matter to you, I'll try not to let it matter to me."

Cole winced at the memories and shook his head to dislodge them. "What matters is what you feel, not what you do."

Some people would call the other Cole a virgin. Some would say he wasn't. Cole thought that what he had done and had done to him didn't matter, it was what he had felt about it all. Tranquil don't say no.

Then krem's hands were on him again and he liked that, liked the flush of heat that spiked up his spine and gut as their mouths slid together and it was over too quickly and he made a sound of protest.

It probably hadn't. He didn't tend to think of it. "I don't mind what your body is like. It's your body, you need to be happy with what you do with it. I like you."

The memories sucked, he hated having them pop up on him, now more than ever, but he wasn't about to let them stop him from getting what he wanted. Not anymore. And right now, what he wanted was to be able to touch and hear the little frustrated sounds Cole made when he didn't want something to end.

Lower in his mind, on toward where his libido slept, there was a thought of what sort of sounds he could get out of Cole when he was buried in him to the hilt.

But on top of that was a simple warmth that blossomed outward in his chest, and Krem's arms wrapped around Cole's middle, pulling him right up against him. "I know you do, little bird. And that's done more for me than anything else."

Cole was uninhibited, he didn't think to stop his noises and sounds, or the way his body reacted to things. Like the fact that he stepped in closer to Krem as Krem tried to move back, but then Krem pulled him close and he liked that much more.

He showed his approval with another small noise of surprise and enjoyment, smiling slightly and leaning to let their noses brush past one another. "It aches, a low dull, good ache."

It was one of the things that Krem liked about Cole, the unfettered feeling and unrestrained touches. He closed the distance between them without hesitation, drawing him into another kiss, slower, simmering, a hint of tongue and tooth and a quiet breath passing between.

"Come on," he murmured against Cole's lips, taking one of his hands and then gathering the box to tuck under his arm. He set out for the undercroft, hoping and praying that Dagna wouldn't stop them for more than just to say hello.

Cole's eyes actually closed and he dipped his head into the kiss, hands sliding around Krem's waist after another long moment.

"Come on?" He tightened his grip on Krem's hand. "My hat!" But he didn't fight to try and grab it on the way through and just went with Krem.

Maybe... he didn't need to hide from people's sight under his hat.

He could have his hat back later. For now, Krem had every intention of distracting him from the lack of it.

When they were back in the humid, comfortable warmth of the springs' chamber, Krem took a seat at the edge of the larges pool, stripping off his boots and socks and rolling the legs of his breeches up before dipping his feet into the water. His shirt joined his socks on the stones, and for once, he wasn't wearing the belted leather underneath. His chest was flat without it, only defined by muscle now. He was distracted looking down at it for a moment, but he shook himself and looked up at Cole.

The other didn't have to do a damn thing, and Krem was fairly certain that what he was feeling was deeper than simple infatuation. He didn't have the words for it yet, but he didn't need them. They spurred him back upward, away from the water, his arms wrapping around Cole's waist again.

"Talk to me, Cole. What would you have me do now, ideally?"

It was good to see Krem comfortable with having his shirt off. The aches of the surgery were faded to nearly nothing and there was this blossom of confidence and contentedness deep in Krem that suited him well.

It was a bath... so Cole did what he usually did and started stripping down. He was still that odd mix of muscled and too thin in spots, but that would probably never change. He was down to just his pants when he realised Krem was by the water, but then he was coming back and there was more hugging with more skin, warm and flushing heat from inside of him.

"I- I don't know. I really don't."

Krem's hands skimmed along Cole's bare sides, fingers tracing his ribs and following them up to his shoulderblades. Being able to freely touch and be touch, it was doing more for his confidence in this, and it showed in the way he moved right up against Cole, chest to chest.

This was good, it was progress, but it wasn't all that Krem wanted, and he drew back to finally remove his breeches and dip into the water. The soap and washcloth was still settled at the edge of the pool, and as soon as he had grabbed it, he was on Cole again, wetting and lathering and attempting to scrub the missed bits of grime off the other's hair and body.

Of course, he took more care the lower he touched, looking to Cole for any sign of nerves when one broad hand slid between his thighs.

PSL: For kremdelacreme

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